Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Hanging by a Thread

I have a certain pair of teeth that catch every piece of chicken, beef, celery, apple peel and pork that passes by them. The teeth are together up on my left side. I have a crown up there and I am beginning to think that my dentist created a little hook or something to catch passing food particles to force me to floss after every meal.

It works.

The use of the word “particle” may be a little misleading. When I use the waxed floss to remove part of my meal, I realize why I am often still hungry when I finish eating. Truth is, a good percentage of what I eat does not go into my stomach. Plenty of food gets stuck between my teeth and I end up flossing it out.

The major offender is pork. Or at least it seems that way. Chicken is very persistent but when I bite into a pork chop of a rib or even a burrito with carnitas, the pork fibers head straight for that gap and crowd in like clowns in a tiny car.

Sunday night, I grilled pork chops. We all sat around chewing our chops with alacrity, and afterward while rubbing our contented bellies, started sucking our teeth like a bunch of old men playing dominoes and whittling. My wife finally gave up and went to get the dental floss, and passed it around. We ended up with enough liberated meat to feed both dogs that night.

I am beginning to think that when H.E.B (a grocery store here in Texas) has one of their Meal Deals, they need to include dental floss in the group of products. “Two liters of H.E.B. soda, pork ribs, barbeque sauce, potato salad and dental floss for $9.95…”


Anonymous said...

"We ended up with enough liberated meat to feed both dogs that night."
Now THATs funny...I don't care WHO you are.

the photoSmith said...

though very funny, for some strange reason I feel a little queasy after reading this post...

invigilator_tex said...

you is nasty! Get out da way; I'm a gonna blow some chunks.

aA said...

hey, all i want is traffic and comments, and that's what i got!

thank you all, now go take a shower...
and FLOSS yer teeth!

Anonymous said...

I almost ducked and covered while reading this (and that’s hard to do all at the same time). Felt that I could get pelted or an eye taken out.

But keep flossing (but not at work though)! ;) If you wait until winter, think you'd be able to hibernate?

DammitWomann said...


Anonymous said...

Never floss with a stranger.
-Joan Rivers

Rob V. said...

"Moving to Montana soon,
Gonna be a dental floss tycoon,
Yipee, kiyo, kiyay..."

-- Frank Zappa

aA said...

Mr. V: I was wondering when one of my highly literate readers would make that connection. I was thinking of that song while writing it!

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