Sunday, May 02, 2010

Diner Bites Back

I have always wondered about the origin of names of some of the restaurants that serve us our non-home food.

Like how is a taco associated with a bell? Who IS this Applebee? I have eaten at the Flying Dutchman restaurant, and it is nothing like the Pirates of the Caribbean portray; quite good actually, and not at all like a sailor’s purgatory. But then again, I didn’t visit the kitchen.

Then we have the restaurants with a name and a rank in the trademark. For example, “Captain D’s”. Not Long John Silver (he was a nasty character, but does seafood OK) or Colonel Sanders. What could the “D” stand for?

Recently I got an impression of the origin of the nomenclature of Captain D’s and have narrowed it down to two possibilities.

Disappointing and Disgusting.

I was a bit put off when I went inside and smelled the old grease clinging to the thick enamel paint. That was my first opportunity to bolt. Then the guy behind the counter popped up with a long, LONG beard, and no hair net. I know he was just taking money and was separated from the food by about four feet and a partial wall, but it just looked unsanitary. So sue me. Second opportunity to flee.

I ordered the crab cake and fish. Looked good on the menu sign, but then corporate always does a great job in getting appetizing photos of their offerings. The price was a bit on the steep side, I thought, but what the hey, it’s crab.

After being assured that they would bring my food to me, I went into the stale dining quarters and tried to find a comfortable place to sit on the shop-project wood benches. The sparsely populated picnic area should have been my next clue.

When the girl brought my food, my initial reaction was that there was an ample amount on the plate. Little did I know the pandora’s box that would open when I tried to take a bite. There were a couple of big pieces of fish, but on closer inspection, they all seemed to be fried a little too aggressively.

When I bit into one, the discovery was that the fish was just overcooked to death. Absolutely to death. Tough. Dry. Alligator is kinda what it reminded me of. And the outside was reminiscent of the outside of a gator.

Aside from being overly dry, the fish looked to be double battered, with large “airspace” gaps in between, so as to give the overall volume a visual boost, without adding to the cost in actual fish.

OK, the fish left something (substantial) to be desired, but there was a crab cake, too. Unfortunately, it was so overcooked and dark, it looked like an igneous rock. Kinda tasted like one, too. If you can imagine a rock with crab flavoring.

So, for nearly ten dollars, you can go to Captain D’s and get the experience of a lifetime, hopefully not to be repeated. You can draw your own conclusions as to what the “D” stands for.

Oh yeah, you can get a blog posting out of it, too.


innominatus said...

Did you take the items home in a doggy bag? They sound like they'd be handy fuel for starting the next campfire.

Sandy said...

I am SO sorry you had such a disappointing experience at Captain D's. We are truly committed to giving each guest a great experience. You can email me and we will do our best to make it right!

Sandy Clingan Smith
SVP - Marketing
Captain D's

aA said...

This is truly a bittersweet moment for me. While I am ecstatic that you read my blog, the thought of my returning to Captain D's hurts my soul.

I am done with the place. Five years ago was the last time I visited the same store, and the only difference is that now I have a blog and can snark about it. Nothing personal, just done.

Thanks, though.


invigilator_tex said...

aA go for the redemption coupons. Seriously. I once ate a lonely Thanksgiving dinner at the good Captin's place after a kind fellow student gave me a freebie coupon.

Give 'em another chance on Sandy's dime. Swallow your pride along with another shot at a crabby patty.

aA said...

Tex, you're awful brave with my stomach!

I'll give 'em time to clean up the local outlet, then MAYBE, if she sends me a "dime", I'll test it out on YOU!


invigilator_tex said...

aA, I'm brave with YOUR stomach; I'm reckless with MINE. I'll go have a taste of what comes from the sea anywhere, anytime and anyplace. Just let me know when.

innominatus said...

Momentary fright: I scrolled down to the M's of my blog follow list to click on "Mildly Amusing..." and it WASN'T THERE! Then I figured it out and realized everything was going to be A-OK.

aA said...

Innominatus: I appreciate your vigilance, 'specially in light of my recent 2 month hiatus from posting.

charleyd said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
charleyd said...

hey aA, I'd take her up on the offer. You'd probably get a double helping, personally cooked and watched just for you, and maybe a free large Dr. Pepper. --never know, it doesn't hurt to negotiate!

Rob V. said...

Sounds fishy to me.
Nevertheless, great post (as usual) and the comments are as good as the post (as usual).