Saturday, September 15, 2007

Something Unexpected Came Up

Yes, something unexpected did come up at Chinese School today; William's lunch. The second class had just gotten in and eveyone was settling in to their chairs. I looked away for just a second when I heard something like a can of soda being opened. I looked at the kid closest to me, William, and he was holding both hands up to his mouth with liquid streaming through his fingers. He had a shocked and embarrassed look on his poor little face, and I raced for the trash can, which was unfortunately across the room. As the can came to a landing at his feet, he leaned over and spit out what he had held in his mouth. I picked up the wastebasket and ushered little William out the door and down the hall. He reflexively shook the residue hanging from his hands, and I quickly instructed, "Don't fling..." a couple of times on our trip down the hall.

The other kids were in shock...for a few seconds. Then the expected chorus of "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWs" began. As I hustled our little fountain into the restroom, they sat quietly. Meanwhile, as I had William wash his hands in the sink, and questioned him if he was finished, he began vomiting again, this time in the sink. An endless stream kept issuing forth from the helpless lad, while I stood like 248 pounds of lard staring at his little face frozen in the mirror, heaving over and over, filling the sink beneath his small hands.

When he finally stopped hurling, he commented that he had eaten at Ryan's for lunch, and that some bacteria must have gotten mixed up with his food (this is an eight-year-old talking, these are his words). I asked him if he wanted us to call his mom or anything, but he said he would go back to class.

I left him for a second to wash up, and hopefully not spew into the sink again, while I went in to clean up the evidence in the class. As I wrestled reams of paper towels from the roll, the other kids began to fully comprehend what had happened. One of the spokespersons for the class said, in a loud and clear voice, "GOSH, I think I'M gonna throw up NOW...". I hoped she wasn't speaking prophetically, since there were eight other kids in the class most likely thinking the same thing. Heck, I was thinking the same thing. The same little girl asked how I could stand cleaning that up. I replied, "I'm a dad, I've had to do this a million times". In truth, that was the only thing that kept my Whataburger in its place.

As I went back to check on the unfortunate kid, I steeled myself to what I may possibly wade into. Fortunately he was washed up, mostly (except for a little piece of corn on his cheek *shudder*) and ready to come back to class. All the while he was muttering about what it might have been that didn't agree with him at lunch. He was using those words, too. I think he will work as a doctor or CSI eventually.

I am happy to report that William survived the rest of the class, in a different chair, without further incident. And all other lunches kept their places as well.


the photoSmith said...

throw up is one of the most repulsive things but it makes for such great stories! When I was in second grade the kid sitting next to me threw up all over me(and my test) and since the teacher felt bad for me she gave me a 100 on the test. only time I can remember where throw up was a good thing.

aA said...

yeah, i have some good puke stories. i think that's the only redeeming quality of barfing.

sis said...

aA....PUHLEEZE write one about the fake puke story at Little Arkansas

invigilator_tex said...

Ooh, ooh, I know I'm late with this one, but I just gotta chime in.
When I was a younger smart aleck I bought me a fine fake puke, but I wanted to go the extra mile (always have been an over achiever), so I played sick and was told, "go get a drink of water then." by "Mama" Thiel, the Algebra teacher.

Out I went to get a mouth full of water. Came back in, threw the fake puke on the floor and sprayed my water all over the place. Boy, you wouldn't believe how some well-placed water makes that puke glisten.

Mama Thiel turned and said, "Clean it up!" She was quite disgusted with me at that point. I jumped to my feet, picked up the puke, shook off the water and took a bow to the applause.

Next thing I knew, Mama had my left ear in her pudgy, but strong fingers.

I was out of Algebra forever...until I went to college and paid the price. There's probably a lesson in this tale somewhere.

Rob V. said...

"He reflexively shook the residue hanging from his hands..."

aA -- This is really outstanding descriptive prose. I am continually impressed with your writing talent. You really ought to take a writing course. From experience, I would recommend a newswriting course, not a creative writing course. Earnest Hemmingway turbo-charged his natural knack for writing by taking newswriting courses and then working as a newspaper reporter before actually launching a career in novel writing. Also, the style of D.H. Lawrence (another great novelist) fits more into the genre of descriptive, journalism style of writing. You have the knack. Sure would be great if you could develop and fine-tune that knack. You could be the next great American novelist. Stuff that happens in our office could certainly serve as subject matter (even if a lot of it would merely be fodder).

aA said...

i am humbled by your warm applause, mr V...