Thursday, January 10, 2008

What Was I Thinking

This afternoon, my wife called me. She asked if I had any money. That’s never a good sign. Especially when my answer was, “Seven dollars”. I knew the context of the conversation was going to be centered around dinner.

Apparently, she had done some preliminary work, because my spouse noted that for seven dollars, I could acquire 14 tacos at Jack in the Box. This I knew because the name of my youngest was invoked followed by the information that she was ready for the aforementioned delicacy. Photobucket
Great. I am not a huge fan of the Box; in 30 weeks of Chinese school, I only resorted to J-n-the-B twice. So to receive the mission to actually go there to procure eats was somewhat disappointing. But the thought of the Jack in the Box Taco began to intrigue me.

This I must admit; though repulsive to look at, that wallet of leathery corn tortilla and greasy meat plus who-knows-what carries a certain allure.

I remember my first Jack in the Box taco. We were on the way home from our neighbor’s little league game and for reasons I still don’t understand, we stopped in at the Box for a quick dinner/snack. I remember standing in the store, at the corner of Palmer and 21st street. The cold fluorescent lights buzzing overhead and the paper-hatted staff leaping to our order like a cheery little army. The taste of the taco was so different, as was the entire experience. I wasn’t the taco connoisseur then that I am today, but that was a singular event in my development.

I got to the Alvin restaurant this evening and ordered the fourteen tacos. The vapid staff oozed over to the taco station and fulfilled my order. Shuffling to the front, the girl limply put the two bags on the counter. I counted the order and found that she had satisfied it correctly. I congratulated her for her excellent work, and I got a smile in return. That shocked me. I wasn’t aware that anyone in that establishment knew how.

On my return to the car, I plopped the bags in the floorboard of the passenger side, well aware of the grease content of the cargo. Surely, had the bags of tacos sat on the seat the entire ten-minute trip home, I would have smelled the entrée for several days. However, the aroma that filled the car on the way home was intoxicating. I could barely control my salivary glands. They threatened to drown me. Waves of taco scent washed over me as I struggled to control the vehicle on the way back to my starving family.

On arriving home, the banquet was poured out on the kitchen counter. One of the tacos slipped the bonds of its paper envelope and I pounced on it like a duck on a junebug. I didn’t even get a plate. A napkin sufficed as I tore into the treat. I crouched at the corner of the coffee table and informed the girls that the tacos were here.

I ate five of them and by the time the dust and tortilla shards had settled, I could have eaten five more. As good as they taste though, I find they lack substance. I can’t identify one or more of the internal workings of these creatures either, but I maintain that there is a secret ingredient that makes the eater want more. And more. Yes, and more.

My hope is that you, gentle reader, have not altered your opinion of me, knowing the weakness I have for something as far from a real taco as one can get. I mean, a food reviewer with my credentials (weight, mainly) can’t eschew certain cuisine just because of where it came from. Please forgive me my apparent lapse.

It could be Secret Sauce. You think?


the photoSmith said...

Jack in the Box tacos are my favorite! In high school nothing beat a few tacos and a chocolate shake. I know it sounds crazy, but next time you get them try dipping them in J in the B's buttermilk sauce, it's delish !!

Falcon said...

Your proclivity for the aforementioned rapid foodstuff is actually a result of a neurosis. Doctors at the Mayo clinic identified this little know malady as “lackotaconosis”. The “Box’ injects extra taco beef pheromones that alter human behavior. The Mayo clinic is in the process of developing a patch and/or chewing gum to help prevent the irrepressible urges one gets when driving in the vicinity of said “Box” establishment. Of course “Jack” is vehemently denying any knowledge that they purposely tamper with their cuisine to produce an unfair advantage over other convenient restaurants.

McInvigilator_tex said...

"...have not altered your opinion of me..." ???

Let me recount:

Whataburger, Taco Bell, Jack in the Box...It appears that if it doesn't come wrapped in paper and handed through a window it's considered gourmet food by the Geezer family.

I bet you have the cleanest stove top in all of the greater Alvin community.

aA said...

au contraire, mr gets cooked at our house, sometimes you just gotta go out.

but the fact that Whataburger and Taco Bell are good, solid food. J n B is only good for taco and shake action.

invigilator_tex said...

Well ok then. I like to throw stones, but I do live in a glass house. I.T. Do love his drivethru as well. In fact, at this very moment, I'm digesting one Mcbreakfast somethingorother. Helps keep me regular ya know?

aA said...

falcon: i think you have the answer, i just hope you are safe from now on; jack has goons EVERYWHERE!


photo: the next time i get some JB tacos, i MAY try your disgusting-sounding suggestion.

invigilator_tex said...

Sorry, I thought everyone knew I lived in a glass house.

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Howlsatmoon said...

Every couple of months, I'll get that JB urge. The tacos are not good, the burgers are not good, the milkshakes.....can they call them "milk" shakes?.....

Neertheless, once the human body has absorbed one "taco", it has to have them again....we are a pitiable group.

Glad you had the courage to bring it out in the open, Brother Geez.

"Hi, my name is Geez, and I'm a tacaholic".

Stepsistaahhh said...

There is NOTHING better in the morning than a McDonald's Steak Bagel without the egg. Try it sometime...absolutely scrumpdeiliumpcious! And...if you want to make a weekly event out of it (like me)...on Mondays go to the drive-thru, order the above with the egg on the side, 3 orders of eggs and four orders of sausage and 8 hot picante sauce packets. There are two things you have done...1 - you have breakfast for all week and 2 - you have the most ungodly number of packages/boxes/envelopes that they can possibly give you. The one thing that the don't understand is that 'all the eggs and sausage' can go into one container. Enjoy!

aA said...

Sistah, sounds like a great recipe! I wonder if Paula Deen got her start like that?

Martha Stewart?

Julia Child?